Day 7, Thursday
April 7, 2005 

Pretty uneventful day. Rest. Tending feet trying to keep them elevated and/or soaking in cold water to reduce swelling. Ulcer on right heel looks better. They feel a lot better than they did on Wednesday night - BUT - they don’t feel like they’re ready for the stress and trauma of another 20 miles tomorrow. More below.

I spent most of the day catching up on my journal (days 3-6). Actually, in between writing my journal, every other thought was about when to resume the walk. The condition of my feet, although improving, is still very questionable. I don’t want to move ahead too soon and risk further damage, yet I also do not want to fall behind. I have loved every minute of the walk so far - including the dangerous and painful parts, even the head winds and 18-wheelers, even the relentless traffic noise. I have not enjoyed the blisters and injuries, but my concern about these is not my own comfort, but the potential risk - that is, the potential for delays of one or more days to heal if I ignore them. I am really wrestling with this decision. I have to make some sort of decision today about tomorrow, and I can take each day a day at a time. I might be able to make up one lost day in a week. Perhaps two lost days in two weeks, but more than that becomes nearly impossible. Falling very far behind schedule, to the point where I cannot catch up, also places a burden on others who are helping me - my wife, my son the webmaster (revamping the entire schedule posted on line), Gary who is coordinating my schedule and places to stay, not to mention scheduled activities along the way.

My wife, my son and daughter-in-law, granddaughter, and I had lunch together. We prayed about all this. My wife is also experiencing a migraine headache today and trying to arrange a prescription from her doctor at home. Will she be able to drive me back to Hempstead later today if we decide to go? Through the next few hours, it becomes clear that today’s decision needs to be to spend another night here and get up early on Friday and decide whether or not to go on to Hempstead to walk Friday. If I’m up at 4, I can be ready to leave by 5, and in Hempstead ready to walk by 6. I call Gary and discuss this with him and he thinks it’s a good plan, although he really encourages me to take as much time off as I need to heal properly. Graciously, he says he’ll handle whatever scheduling adjustments that need to be made. I also call my scheduled host for Thursday night but cannot make contact so I leave a message. We return home and I continue working on my journal and answering email.

Later, my Hempstead contact calls back and I lay out the change for him. He is very sympathetic and cooperative and offers to be available to assist us whenever we resume the walk. What is the lesson God wants me to learn here? Obviously, it is to take better care of my feet. But it seems there is also something more. The rate of improvement in my feet is nothing less than miraculous, but it is not instantaneous. Even as I write this, there are tears in my eyes because I do not want to be a burden to anyone as the result of this journey. And yet, that is what this journey is all about - helping others with their burden. The street kids did not ask me to do this. No one asked me to do this. No one is forcing me to do this. I believe God has given me the opportunity to do this and I am humbled and honored to be able to receive it as a gift. But it is way too large a “work” for one man. Is there a quiet place of peaceful rest between feeling personally responsible for every aspect of this journey and leaving every aspect that is beyond my control up to God and others without remorse? Let me just repeat again to all of you who are helping me and praying for me - THANK YOU! From the bottom of my heart I thank you. You are doing so, not because you have to, but because you want to. Please understand how much I struggle with the fact that current conditions and adjustments made necessary by thereby may make your willingness to serve me in this journey more complicated. At this moment, I cannot translate these tears into words that can express just how much I do not want this to be so. And yet, perhaps this is not the issue at all. I suspect, because I know that you all love me more than I realize, that each of you would likely tell that my struggle over this issue is not an issue at all for you. Perhaps the real issue for me here in now is learning how to graciously accept the kindness of friends and strangers. To believe that “it’s not about me” takes the spotlight off me, the pressure off me. Maybe the answer lies in the fact that, although many of you are helping Jeff Robinson as he tries to help street kids in Denver, what you are actually doing is participating with God in His work. In this way, I am no more important to walking to Denver than the driver that honks and gives a thumbs up as they pass and read my sign - never knowing what it’s really all about. Or the guy that reaches into his pocket and gives me a few coins to help out. Perhaps I still see my role in this effort as more important than it really is. If God could raise up children of Israel from stones to worship Him, He could certainly find another willing to walk to Denver - probably with better feet.

The questions can get so big. And, I don’t want to pursue them right now, except this one more. Am I the legs and feet of walking to Denver because I am in some way an essential part of helping street kids? Or, is walking to Denver part of my journey so that I can learn more about God and my role in our relationship and journey together? I suspect some of both but more of the latter.